Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Happy Mardi Gras!

Eh la ba, cher. And for the rest of y'all...laissez le bon temps roulez! School ain't even closed. How we gon' pass a good time if y'all don't even act like you know it's Mardi Gras.
Well...it is Fat Tuesday. Not hell, not high water is going to stop that. So wherever you are, celebrate a little for everybody in New Orleans. And everybody in New Orleans, celebrate for those of us who aren't there.

Watching Gram...


I came in at about 1:15-- a long story I cannot tell on my blog--just in time to put Gram back in bed. She was stuck in the guest bathroom convinced she heard me calling her. She said she had gone to the front door and thought better of trying to climb the stairs.
We talked about it. Well I talked. I tried to persuade her she was dreaming. That if she heard me calling her again she'd know she was dreaming because I wouldn't call her out of bed. We pretended that there's nothing wrong with her waking up this way and roaming around downstairs. I made a mental note to get that damn monitor instead of talking about it. I didn't check, but Mom must be sleeping pretty heavy. Then again it's impossible to hear from her room. I tried to take a nap in there Friday or Saturday and it was a fool's errand. In all of this I ended up with a full-sized bed which, of course, means my feet hang ridiculously over the edge. And the mattress is not regular thickness, so I wake up feeling lke the Princess on a Bed of Peas. So I figured I had a good sleep on Mom's queen-sized bed coming. But I never got it because I realized that I couldn't hear Gram from her room. So every time I dozed off, I woke right back up. I never fell asleep for longer than twenty five minutes.
But enough of my griping. I'm glad I can hear Gram. On the one hand, I was a little impressed that she walked herself around so determinedly. At one point last week, I was worried she was going to give up on trying to walk altogether. But I don't like this restlessness. When I told her it was 1:15 she was relieved it was 'so early.' She says she usually wakes up around four. Before she was just laying awake, but now she's on the move. I don't want her to fall or to be tired from not sleeping.
She has a doctor's appointment Wednesday. We have to tell all about the falls and the increased need for assistance. She's still herself, but she's definitely not capable of taking care of herself anymore.

Monday, February 27, 2006

How I know this is not the best day ever...

1) I got hung up on by two Verizon techs this morning. My DSL line is malfunctioning AGAIN and two techs disconnected me in the middle of my fruitless calls for help. The first made me disconnect all the phones in the house and then disconnected me. The second disconnected me when I balked about switching the phone cord on my modem. The third tech made me switch the location of my DSL modem. Which means, though I tried to avoid it, my modem is now in my bedroom. I am surfing and laying. Why should I ever get dressed? I purposefully put the TV and modem outside of my room so I wouldn't be tempted to mope and malinger...

2) Both my elbows ache like crazy. I have some weird patch on my scalp that matches the one on my arm. And I feel like the guy with the bag of rocks hit me again....ugh.

3) My mother is on a tear. She brought home the wrong food and decided I was attacking her when I suggested she return it. That drove me to bed.

4) When she came in, I was downstairs finishing up breakfast for Gram. I'm probably tired because we've been taking care of her. Last week was not good for her. She fell a couple of times and I think it made her depressed as well as sore. So all week we've taken turns getting her breakfast as usual. But also getting her out of bed. If she can be coaxed, I was also making sure she got into the shower. While I do that, Mom changes her bed linens and gets everything down to the washing machine. It takes at least 90 minutes just to get her to the bathroom and get dressed. Then it's time to prepare her meal and I feel absolutely exhausted before the day even gets started. Then at night, my ears are trained like a German Shepherd puppy.

Last night, Gram woke up around 10:30 convinced she heard my mother calling her. That was early...sometimes she'll get up at 2 or 4 AM. So if I'm alone I don't feel like I can really fall asleep. I told Mom I'm going to put a baby monitor in her room so I can be sure that I'll hear her and maybe be able to relax. This is why I felt like I need to shelve the whole job search thing. Mom is too small (though she doesn't know it) and tired herself to do everything for Gram. The first time Gram fell, she tried to get her up alone and ended up laid out herself. I called around to find out about hiring a nurse to come in a couple days a week. The bottom line is that she just can't afford it. As I mentioned, Gram has been denied an SBA loan for the house and she received a couple hundred dollars to repair her roof. So I'm doing all I can to preserve her money. Whenever Mom and Dad are able to reunite and figure out a housing plan, Gram is going to need money for possible renovations to a structure they move into or build. Or if they determine she would be better suited in an assisted living situation, she'll need enough cash for that. The cost of the nurse would require me to cut into her reserve and I just don't think it's a good idea.
I have very few expenses now. Even though it'll be interesting to explain to my future employer, it makes more emotional and financial sense for me to help out right now.

So this morning I woke up tired. After Gram got out of bed, I helped her to the bathroom and back to bed before I turned in myself. When i woke this morning, I found out my DSL connection was down. That I had to get Gram up alone. And then Mom came back and threw a tantrum. So I'm back in bed...and not even the second episode of Maury---you guessed it "Paternity Secrets Revealed"--is helping...

Online dating pics...


I'd love to post photos of the motley crew of fellows I've been chatting with...that would be my top choice. But I don't think that would be right. What I will do is open the issue of my own photo up for discussion. As I previously mentioned, the photo is used is, ahem, not new. I'd like your honest opinion of whether you think the pic I'm using is a fair representation...

Anna Nicole!

Goes to the Supreme Court tomorrow. That sounds like a popcorn on deck moment...
I hope she gets the old coot's money after all. That's the American Way!

Sisterlock cutting...

So last night, I'm kind of bored. And when you're bored, why not play in your hair? Why not, indeed. So week before last I got my locks retightened by a very nice lady in Fredericksburg--Nina Cebrun. This after an unnamed consultant in DC blew off my phone calls. So, I'm bored, and I'm playing in my hair, and see the scissors...
I already had a couple locks break in the front. I'm attributing the loss to 1) stress--of which I've endured quite a bit 2) the haircolor--chemicals are damaging 3)tension differences--it seems to be right at the point I took over doing my retightening...I feel like some kind of tree dating my locks that way. When I visited Nina, I realized that my tightening technique is...let's say quirky. At some point, I reversed my clock. I go counter-clockwise. And it's possible I do something else differently...but that's no matter.
Anyhoo...I had some loose spots in my locks that I hoped Nina could fix. I'm sure she did the best she could. But I'm standing in front of the mirror, playing in my hair and there are the scissors. I ended up trimming one row, right across the front. Not exactly a bang because there was one, undamaged lock and I didn't want it to feel punished. Leave it to my locks to break off almost at the same length, almost straight across...as if they want to be bangs...as if they all drank the same, sad kool-aid.
So now, of course, I can't stop thinking of cutting my locks...
I used household scissors. Don't happen to have any barber shears around. I cut diagonally. Mostly I was focused on removing the frayed ends of locks that had already broken. I noticed that the curl on the ends draws up so the lock ends up shorter than where you originally cut. Just like when I cut my bangs as a teenager...I never failed to have a "oh sh**" moment. The results are very subtle. Since it's one row, they blend back into the rest. I'd have to do a couple of rows to get a real bang. And I'm not sure I want bangs...
But I am thinking a good cut would be fun. I found a couple of sites where people had cut their Sisterlocks with varying results. My next project is to find some very small, very sharp scissors so I can trim stray hairs from my older locks. I went through and tried to trim stray hairs from the ends. But my eyes lost focus...I am far-sighted.
My mother won't help. She thinks I'm too persnickety about my hair. I think she takes instruction badly. We had a long conversation about the Curl Spikes and she just wouldn't do it the way I showed her. Sigh. So it's probably for the best she doesn't get involved. Plus she and Gram have the long hair fetish and want no part of cutting anyone's hair short.
So I'm going to get some style magazines and think seriously about the wisdom of cutting my own hair. For Brunsli...I know that saying about a lawyer representing themselves having a fool for client...does that apply for hairstyling? I mean I tease my mother all the time that she only combs the hair she sees. Maybe that would happen with me. And I know I would petrify the fair stylists of Warrenton if I walked in asking for a cut...sigh...what to do? what to do?

Saturday, February 25, 2006

For a moment...

I am back on line. I paid a man named Gomer Pyle to retrieve the data from my laptop. But my mother tells me I would be an idiot not to let her buy me a computer. And, you know, she's right. So now, I am getting a new laptop, but this one works a bit.
Old Gomer couldn't tell me why or if the problem arose, but it was definitely a hardware problem and not a virus. So that's what I get for buying a refurb laptop from an ex. The Derrick actually offered to repair this one. But was today, after I paid Gomer Pyle for his trouble.
I watched the Gateway people sell laptops on the Home Shopping Network today. So now I'm wondering if I need this dual core processor thing they were talking about. I was disappointed that this computer couldn't handle my video projects...So I'm also thinking I need to make sure I have enough memory for that. And why not get a DVD/CD burner. The one on TV had a tuner so you could use your computer as a television. That sounds sweet...
I need a budget. How long do I think I'm going to have the computer? What is a reasonable amount to spend? So far I've kept computers for about 24-36 months...Should I revisit my Mac fetish? How long will I keep this one?
Hmmmm....
Now I have to do my hair..Bye.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Communicus Interruptus

So I haven't been able to post because my laptop up and died. I don't know what's wrong with it. It appears momentum is growing to just replace the damn thing. I'm thinking DVD burner, the whole enchilada. Here's the thing I had some pictures on there I want. Like a baby picture destroyed in the hurricane, pictures of my great-aunt Leola, of Sugar...And documents...my resume--which I guess I should be circulating--, a letter for my taxes specifying how much interst I paid on my student loans.
I don't know how much money I'm supposed to spend on trying to recover the data. Or if I should just toss in the towel. I'm not really upset about it. I'd prefer not to have to replace the computer...but hey, I'm replacing everything else.
So that's why I can't post. And when I need to be online most, searching for a good price on a replacement laptop, I can't get on. Ironic.
I schlep to the public library to check in and for the past week, I've forgotten to post while I'm here. Sigh...I have to replace my computer.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

A word about Maury...

Since I find myself with a lot of time on my hands, she euphemizes, I've been watching the Maury Show. At least once a week is "Shocking Paternity Test" Day...with the most compelling segments focusing on women who come back multiple times for 'help' from Maury finding the biological fathers of their children. There's a woman named Simone, on today, who has tested eight men...she calls him Murray without irony...
I have come to a few conclusions about these episodes:
1) The women involved cannot possibly understand the mechanics of conception. I can't help but believe that these women are testing men they merely were sexually active with, as opposed to those who could reasonably have conceived their child. I have no moral judgement about what I'll clinically call promiscuity...but I find it hard to believe that a woman has had as many as eight different sexual partners in the 36-48 hour period when she is ovulating. Unless she is some sort of professional sex worker, which these women do not purport to be. D'oh Man #8 is not the father either....Therefore I think these women need a sex education class so that they could sit down and count back the 36 odd weeks from their child's birth to figure out who really might be the father of their children rather than drag every guy they got busy with onto this show.
2)Some people's need for attention is deeper and more compelling than their sense of shame. Given that some people do have negative judgements about promiscuity, especially the men who are being tested--"She's a ho, Maury!" is the most used, plaintive defense offered-- and the fact these children's faces are featured in the segment as well, it would seem that these women's better judgement is being overridden by the opportunity to have an overnight in New York and a hand-holding session with Maury in front of millions of syndicated viewers. I can't imagine it's worth the trouble but clearly for some, the chance to be spotlighted, albeit dubiously, is worth the trouble and embarrassment never enters the equation. Though the women do invariably run from the stage with their hands over their faces when the results are revealed.
3)Maury has discovered quite a racket. In exchange for consideration to the testing lab, he has a sure-fire, low-cost ratings grabber for the show. I'm sure they re-use that manila envelope over and over again...It's to the point where he skips much of his commentary. The guests, already familiar with the format, come out swinging interrupted only by the pre-taped vignettes of the parties insulting each other. From a producer's perspective, its solid gold. The subjects call in, some repeatedly. The format is set...
How can I watch this trash you may ask? I don't know. Even though it's tacky, it's compelling...The idea of going to a national forum to resolve something so intimate, while wildly inappropriate, is compelling. The episodes are compact, contained dramas. The time commitment pays off. In a few minutes, I'll find out if indeed this idiot is the father...In years past, the show would introduce the witless mothers one day and have a reveal show later. But I guess the variability of the syndication schedule and the flexibility in rebroadcasting made it easier and more straightforward to do it more quickly. And it is no-muss, no-fuss...

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Post-Valentine's Musings...

Last month I joined an online dating site. I am wholly ambivalent about it. Long have I thought online dating a rather misanthropic concession to our work culture's constant demands on our time. But I find myself in a new town, with no local friends, bored silly. And after a drunken dialing episode last December--that's another story...usually I think they're a bad idea, but this one was overdue and well worth it--I decided it was time for me to get out there again as the cliche goes. When I went to visit J, her brother was with a very nice woman, a Delta no less, who he had met online. So I unimaginatively joined the same site and cajoled J to join me.
It's been interesting. I have been chatted about by lots of men. Some I think would never approach me in 'real life,' and others I would probably not approach. One night, after exchanging Yahoo id's, I played online dominoes and discussed politics with a serviceman. I used my call block feature to dial a bodybuilder in MA last week because he wanted know if I was really female. I have gotten serial 'flirts' from a septagenarian who uses the name "warmmeat"-- I kid you not. The first week, after daily virtual mash notes, a man who claimed to be from London wrote me he was stranded in Nigeria and need me to wire him money. I am being charmingly pursued for coffee by a guy who lives in a neighboring town. And I have had one, real-life lunch date with a very nice guy who lives in Richmond.
In short, it has been a blast. I am still cynical about the whole online thing. I mean how can I take this seriously? The photos could be of anyone and the stories could be ablsolute fabrications. The photo I used is slightly dated, but not unrepresentative. Since I am only 50% photogenic, I rationalized it was OK to use the picture I took at my cousin's wedding when my hair was darker and pinned up because my face was not shiny and my makeup was decent. Now that I have the digital camera, I contemplated putting a candid shot. But I still believe the photo is a fair, albeit best, representation of me. However, I digress...
My point is that cyber-interaction has turned out to be quite fascinating for me. I must admit a snobbishness about poor spelling and grammar. And I cannot respect a man who would post a photo of himself shirtless or posed provocatively--My long conversation with the bodybuilder was spurred by me telling him his shirtless photo was more revelatory of his psyche than his body...He was confused and perplexed--nor will I entertain communication with men who name themselves something sexually provocative. I have decided to not even bother with those who are 'separated'--who needs that drama--and those with lots of children and no divorce are a pass also. This is all before I actually communicate with the person behind the profile. I was intrigued by the conclusions I drew from their self descriptions. And I noticed that I decided not to post a description at all...ever cryptic.
Once I do start a communication with these fellows, I am more direct and bold in my questioning than I am in 'real life,' and I am more observant of their responses. Un burdened of concerns about how they are perceiving me, I can focus my attention completely on how they represent themselves. It has made me more observant of my own priorities and anxieties. Who knew it would be so fun? I know I didn't...

Thursday, February 09, 2006

I'm leading up to something...

Your Seduction Style: Fantasy Lover
You know that ideal love that each of us dreams of from childhood? That's you!Not because you posess all of the ideal characteristics, but because you are a savvy shape shifter.You have the uncanny ability to detect someone's particular fantasy... and make it you.
You inspire each person to be an idealist and passionate, and you make each moment memorable. Even a simple coffee date with you can be the most romantic moment of someone's life. By giving your date exactly what he or she desires, you quickly become the ideal lover.
Your abilities to make dreams come true is so strong, that you are often the love of many people's lives. Your ex's (and even people you have simply met or been friends with) long to be yours.No doubt you are the one others have dreamed of... your biggest challenge is finding *your* dream lover.
What Kind of Seducer Are You?

Friday, February 03, 2006

Hair warning...

So if you wash your hair, use a little styling mousse, and sleep with a satin cap...the curl spike set will last a week. I'm still rocking curls from last Friday!
I'm noticing what I'm afraid is mold, but is probably only shampoo residue, in some of my locks. So I'm going to use the Nexxus Aloe Rid after a vinegar soak to try and get it out. Does anyone have any suggestions about removing product buildup?