Aging Gracefully...

You all know that occasionally I blog about how I look and all that. I look for things that I can do to improve, or at least maintain, my appearance. Makeup, light peels, hairstyles...all fair game. Recently, I've even been more critical of my wardrobe choices.

Most of it is tongue-in-cheek though. I'm pretty cool with how I look. I want to look the best that I can, but I am not trying to turn back the clock or fix anything...ok--I did 'fix' my teeth with braces, but none of the stuff I do is driven by a desire to alter or replace something about how I look. I want my skin to be clear, my body to be healthy, my hair to be attractive, my clothes to be fashionable...I don't think anything is wrong with the way I look though. I hope that the things that I do will enhance my appearance, not make me look like I'm trying too hard.

But I do feel like I'm in that in-between gap. I'm no longer 'young' but I'm definitely not 'older.' I recently lifted my moratorium on shorts--I guess it's OK to wear them, but I've reimposed my ban on mini-skirts--I will not wear anything I have to hold down or tug on to be decent. Since I no longer drive everywhere, I notice I hardly ever wear all the pretty high-heeled shoes I bought. But I am forcing myself not to devolve into wearing my Aerosole loafers everyday. They are super comfortable, but I do think I owe to myself not to get too complacent about how I present myself. When I choose clothes I try to focus on whether the garment will flatter me than how cute it is. I don't want my clothes wearing me. I'm not attracted to clothes because they are trendy. It's about whether it suits me. Similarly with make-up, I want to look like I care enough to pull myself together, but not like I've cowered beneath cosmetics to hide my insecurities.

I think it's far more attractive for a woman to look comfortable in her skin than seem to be trying too hard to hold on to youth or fighting the inevitable 'maturing' process. Our culture is so youth obsessed, it's hard not to get pulled into currents that just aren't in our interest, to be distracted by a quest for youth rather than embracing who and where we are. I was fortunate to grow up around women of all ages. I developed an appreciation for beauty at all ages. Don't get me wrong, I didn't like finding wrinkles beneath my eyes, but I certainly don't take offense when I'm NOT carded at clubs or bars anymore. I've dated older and younger--I appreciate both. Most days I don't think about how old am I at all, but when I do I don't hyperventilate.

I posted this picture not be catty, but as a catalyst for thought. Where is the line? Is there a point when we are go too far? I was always told that everything that's good to you, isn't good for you. Is it possible for us to lose perspective about ourselves...how we should look or dress? How would we know if we had crossed the line? There are so many ways we can change ourselves, are any off-limits? Are we fabulous or foolish when we do these things?

Lock Memoriam...and word to the wise...

This morning, I lost a lock. I wasn't surprised. Last night while watching television and looking for locks to re-tighten, I discovered this one hanging on by mere threads.

The loss of this lock is pretty timely actually. Yesterday an anonymous person asked me about hair loss and thinning with her Sisterlocks. I suggested that she see a dermatologist. A little poking around on the web reveals that over 30% of Americans experience hair loss. That figure is even higher for African American women. Hair loss may be due to a variety of factors and its possible with the intervention of a doctor to find the cause and possibly alleviate the problem.

Anonymous had thinning hair and was frustrated with her consultant. I wasn't quite clear if the two problems were related. But she asked about combining locks, I'm assuming to give the appearance of thicker locks. I thought combining locks for that reason was a bad idea. Especially because her hair is thinning all over. If your hair is thin all over, combining locks might make them too heavy and susceptible to breakage. Consultation with a Sisterlock provider you trust is key. I thought Anonymous should with with her doctor on the cause of her hair loss--medication-- rather than focusing on cosmetic bandaids. Usually combining locks is a technique to address problems with specific locks, not a solution to all-over thinning.

I know we all grew up with hairdressers who claimed to have the ability to 'grow' hair with their cutting techniques, product use or positive energy. But if you think about it, none of these approaches could possibly solve the causes of hair loss. My own grandmother was a hairdresser and claimed to have any number of remedies for hair loss. She sincerely believed they worked and many of her clients did too--who knows maybe they did, but I think we often misdirect our energy looking to someone who is trained to style hair to solve what may be a health problem. Previous generations may not have had access to doctors trained to address skin and hair problems, but now we often do. So use the right tool for the job, so to speak. See a hairstylist for arranging your hair and a doctor to address problems.

Black women are susceptible to alopecia--which can be episodic or permanent-- or hereditary baldness patterns. Medications or untreated health problems could be the cause of hair problems. Don't be afraid to go to the doctor and find out what might be happening.

After I got Sisterlocks, I had hair grow in and had to start new locks in places. And on occasion, I have lost locks. The first time it happened, I was shocked. It's not easy to lose a patch of hair like this. The one that broke this morning came out right in front, taking a chunk of real estate from my hairline. It will require some rearrangement for awhile to cover. But the section of hair where the lock belongs will grow back and I'll start another one. It probably broke due to too much tension...being pulled back into ponytails everyday or when I did the Soft Spike set. That's one reason to keep up with re-tightening, it stabilizes the tension of your hair at the base. It's possible the breakage is due to stress, poor nutrition, reaction to medications...etc. All these factors can affect our hair. Also don't put too much stress on your hair with too-tight hair styles. How many of us have seen poor little girls whose mothers have pulled their hair way too tight-- or teenagers giddy with independence over-processing their hair with too-frequent relaxers and color-- or grown women so determined to get their weave on that patches of hair are missing? Sigh. Many days I have walked around Harlem just marvelling at how we are collectively suffering hair trauma...but that's the subject of another post, another day.

I don't want the loss of my lock to be in vain...lol. If you lose a single Sisterlock, it probably isn't cause for alarm...though it may feel like it at the time it happens! If you are experiencing noticeable hair loss, please take care of yourself by seeing a dermatologist. You may just find that there is something that needs your attention. Hopefully, you'll also get a real solution to your troubles. Take good care of yourself, eat healthy, drink lots of water, take a biotin supplement. Don't ignore health problems. And if necessary, see a dermatologist. At the end of the day, our health is a lot more important than our hair!

What to look for in a consultant and installation...

OK...I'm going to get on my high horse for a few minutes.
In the past 24 hours, I have written to two women who have gotten less than stellar results from their Sisterlocks "consultant." This distresses me greatly as I want everyone to love their hair and have as pleasant a Sisterlocks journey as I have had. I also know that many people surf out blogs looking for info about how Sisterlocks look. So I want to give you my advice on how to select a good Sisterlocks consultant and some red flags to watch out for when you are choosing. I get absolutely steamed when I meet women who have had bad experiences with 'shady' characters.
It is really challenging to find out about Sisterlocks...they aren't prevalent in some parts of the country and the method is really a bit different than we are accustomed to with other services. So like I said, here's my opinion...

Not everyone who calls themselves a Sisterlocks consultant is actually a Sisterlocks consultant!
This is shocking and scary but true. There are people who lie about being Sisterlocks consultants. They are the bane of our existence. Make sure that the stylist you are thinking of working with has actually been trained---BY SISTERLOCKS HOME OFFICE-- to install Sisterlocks.
Some people lie about having Sisterlocks training because they are greedy and want to turn a dollar. Some do it because they are of the goofy, arrogant notion that because they "saw" someone doing Sisterlocks, they now know enough to do it themselves. Some claim to be consultants because, instead of going to official training themselves, someone else taught them the technique....
WHATEVER!
The first indication that your potential consultant is professional and on the up and up is that they have taken the time and have enough professionalism to go to an OFFICIAL SISTERLOCKS CLASS to learn ALL aspects of the technique. They will have a certificate or a receipt or something that shows they attended. If they went recently, their names will appear on the official list of Consultants or Trainees.

You can get good service from a consultant or a trainee...or you can get bad service.
There is a lot of debate about this one. Some will tell you to only go to a certified consultant to get your Sisterlocks. This is certainly the safest, most conservative route. But there are many trainees who do an EXCELLENT job. Many charge less and since they have smaller clientele lists may be able to give you more attention than the limited number of certified trainees available. And as a trainee myself, I can also say that since they are recently trained they may very well be MORE CONSCIENTIOUS about their technique than someone who has gotten jaded and lazy about theirs...
The most important thing...verify that your stylist has been trained--see above. Ask if they have had any refreshers.
If you are contemplating working with a trainee and they have very few clients or haven't had any...they should have a mannequin. Ask them to show you their technique. Listen to how they describe their plan for doing your hair.

Be careful of anyone who boasts or gives you the hard sell about their services or those who run the 'girlfriend' game.
If they are a trainee, they should volunteer that they haven't had as much experience as a consultant. Or if they have been a trainee for a long time without getting certification, they should give you an explanation for why they haven't completed the process that passes the smell test!
A consultant should not have to boast about her work because she (or he) will have the clientele and references to speak for them. They will let you talk to their clients and have plenty of pictures of their handiwork to show you...
So if you meet someone and they are selling wolf tickets, let them pass.

On a related note, beware those who take an overly familiar tone with you..."Girl, I'm gonna hook you up!" If she is about her business, she will project a professional air. The 'girlfriend' game is destined for disaster. Those who run it use it to hide something--like lack of training...or hide behind it when they make a mistake, then instead being your service provider they act as if your 'friendship' should give them a pass. Keep business and social separate. Your consultant should understand that and set that tone from the first time they speak with you.

Pay attention to the environment where they intend to provide your services.
Again this speaks to their professionalism. Is the environment set up with the client in mind? Is it clean? Is the consultant's work space prepared and organized? Do they have appropriate seating? Is their bathroom clean? Look around! Look around! If their space is a mess, in all likelihood so are they!

Get a complete THREE part consultation.
A good stylist will approach the Sisterlocks installation in three sessions...
The first time you meet they will give you information. They will talk with you, find out how much you know about Sisterlocks, about your expectations for your hair. If you are not informed, they will stop there. And let you come back to them after you have thought about your decision and gotten as much as information as you need to decide on Sisterlocks (see above, not giving you a hard sell). If you are informed, they may go on to the second step...
During the second session the consultant will look at and touch your hair to assess the texture and characteristics. They will install TEST LOCKS. And they will instruct you to wash your hair several times and come back to them.
This is very important. Our hair sometimes behaves differently than we would expect from appearances. A good consultant knows this and --wanting to give you the best possible outcome--will want to see how the test locks hold up before doing your whole head. Test locks are how the consultant determines whether they have selected the correct locking pattern for your hair. So why would they skip that? Why would they possibly waste your time and theirs installing a whole head of locks that might be the wrong pattern? It would reflect badly on them and they care too much about their reputation to risk that.
Then and only then, at your third visit, will you get your whole head Sisterlocked. During the first or second visit pricing has been discussed. So you know before you start how much it will be.


OK, so now you're getting your Sisterlocks installed...What should you expect?

Your consultant will tell you to come in with a clean, dry head.
They will specifically warn you not to use grease or oil or anything else in your hair. If you do, they will send you to clean it or they will wash it before they begin.
I don't know where this whole "locking when wet" thing started...it is not what I was taught in Consultant Training class! I'll just leave it at that...

Why is this important?
Any product residue on your hair might retard the locking process.
If your hair has been dampened, its curl pattern will reduce. If it has been blow-dried the curl pattern will have been stretched out. Given those two options better that it shrink than be stretched, but really the optimal situation is neither shrunken or stretched, right?

Your consultant should section and part your ENTIRE head before beginning!
In fact, your consultant should take a LOT of time parting your hair...Those sections are their guide. Beware if someone just starts in...A good consultant will ensure that your sections are laser-parted and that you have a center part and side parts for styling! The time to do this is during the parting before they start installing locks. For you...what if you what to wear a style that is parted? You don't want to find out that your head is a mess of crooked parts. Or that you don't have a side part or a center part. Also if another consultant takes over doing your hair, they will look for those sections to guide them. So a consultant should definitely take a LOT of time on parting.

Your consultant will start with the FRONT sections of your head NOT the back.
Oh my goodness...Ladies, this will be your last chance to run from your consultant! Hee hee. If they start at the back your head....get up!
The front sections of your head should be done first!
Why?
1. It is the section you see the most, so your consultant should want to make sure they are their most alert and attentive to this section. That makes sense, right?
2. The front sections are probably where you have your smallest locks. So your consultant should prioritize them first.
3. If there any adjustments or irregularities, don't you think they should be in the back of your head? Why would your consultant work from the back up, or skip around your head and leave the chance that the front of your head will have oddly shaped parts? The answer is...they wouldn't if they know and care about their work!
VERY important, VERY important...

Unless your ends are relaxed, your consultant will leave no more than 1/4 to 1/2 an inch at the ends of your lock.
OK...this is the hot topic. I stand on this firmly. If your consultant wants to start your locks way up high, hmmph, I'd want to know why, why, why. It's either because they don't want to take the time to do all that locking--if you're comfortable with that, go ahead-- or because their technique is shabby. There I said it. What! --I'm from New Orleans, don't mess with me...heehee.
Anyway as I was saying. It is sometimes necessary to do a little backcombing to start a lock. But a little backcombing does not mean teasing up half the length of your hair people. If your stylist is doing this, she may need some help with her technique. By the end of my training class, I was able to start a lock, with my fingers, on synthetic mannequin hair. Surely, an able, capable stylist should be able to start a lock on real hair as close to the ends as possible. That's my bond.
Why do you want your hair to be locked as close to the ends as possible? Well, eventually the ends will be drawn up into your lock. The closer the start of your lock is to the end of your hair, the further down that little bud that starts the locking process will be. If it starts locking further up, those curly ends will end up straggly ends...

Lastly your locks will be the appropriate size...
This seems a bit abstract. What is the appropriate size? Usually that will mean you will have small to medium locks in front and gradually have larger locks in the back section. A whole head of very small locks is impractical and a whole head of large ones may not be the look you want. You should trust your consultant enough to let them evaluate what makes sense. But if it seems like your consultant wants to give you larger looks than you would like because they don't want to do the work of installing them, go to someone else!

As part of your consultant's package, they may not charge you for the first re-tightening session. That varies from consultant to consultant. But they should let you know in advance. They should also explain or demonstrate how to wash your hair.

Finally, I may get nasty emails as a result, but here goes. Be cautious about someone who applies the logic of traditional cosmetology to installing Sisterlocks. The goal of traditional cosmetology is to ALTER the natural state of our hair. It does not work to transfer those techniques to Sisterlocks. Also if your consultant is doing that, it means they are IMPROVISING and CHANGING the Sisterlocks technique they have been taught. It's a free country, and they may have that right. But they should not pass it off on you without disclosing what they are doing. If you want donnalocks or marylocks or susylocks, get them. But it is unethical in my opinion for someone to change up the product the customer thinks they are going to get. Some people who have been trained in cosmetology-- or traditional lock techniques--seem to get very resistant to adhering completely to the Sisterlock method. They bother me.

OK...enough. I hope this helps someone. If not, I got it off my chest. Peace people!

Brunsli asked...

OK-- I have two cents to contribute...
I would say that to those who point out that locks should liberate one from salons and fees, that I think Sisterlocks do qualify. As you know, while I have had the training, I do not make any money at Sisterlocks and even if I did start offering them (as I may) they would hardly be as lucrative as some people seem to think. But I'll get back to that...
When I go to a SL consultant, I don't feel like I am paying for my locks or that I am fettered to a salon. I am paying for that person's time, effort and knowledge. While people grouse about the cost and the time, I can say first hand that doing SLs are very labor intensive...carpal tunnel syndrome, backache, eye strain, etc.- there are plenty of potential occupational hazards for the Sisterlocker. We expect our consultant to anticipate and remedy snafus, and we want to feel cared for and pampered for a time. I think that is worth something. I could bring a cake or a scarf or a gasoline card, but its easier to give money.
I could do my own Sisterlocks (and I do!), I'm not obligated to pay anyone anything.
There are locking methods that are completely 'free' and also some less involved than Sisterlocks, so if someone chooses to have the particular method and outcome Sisterlocks gives, I don't think it's unreasonable to compensate someone for their assistance in achieving it. There are locticians who help maintain 'traditional' locks and palmrolled ones, who use 'other' tools--including fingers and they charge...I don't see the big difference. The thing about Sisterlocks is that the ongoing maintenance is apparent. You must make a decision to do it yourself or go to someone else...but I don't think any method of locking would allow a person to just neglect the care of their hair. Other methods may not involve such deliberate maintenance, but some effort is always involved and if another person is involved, I suspect money is exchanged.
When I wore braids, I was especially diligent about paying the young girls who did my hair. I thought it was important for them to know that they could be entrepreneurial and professional, that they could be self-sufficient, etc. There were lots of braiders available...some were very cheap, some were very good and I tried to find someone who was both. There were times, however, when I went to more expensive braiders...because I wanted a higher level of professionalism and/or service, because I was not willing to expend the energy to find someone less expensive, etc.
I think the same is true of Sisterlocks. It is possible to find someone who offers the service who is not expensive but very good. I think the backlash is that Sisterlocks is so obviously a microbusiness, whereas we don't think of braids that way. In my training class, when traditional cosmetologists and locticians did the math they realized they could not make as much money at Sisterlocks as the amount of effort seemed to require. Lociticians who do other loc styles and techniques make a LOT more money than those offering SLs I was surprised to learn. There was a woman in my class who said she earned $1500 a day in her shop doing traditional locks--she had no intention of offering Sisterlocks after seeing the effort involved. Likewise, salon operators said they would lose money per chair doing the Sisterlock service. So most Sisterlocks are offered from home businesses...
If your consultant charges $25-45 per hour, that's all they can make during that time. They don't have another 'head' going...If they are above the table, they have to subtract taxes from that, they have to provide themselves whatever medical insurance they may need, they have to pay their overhead. If they are not providing themselves with insurance, making a savings egg, then if they get sick or are unable to work, they lose all income. If they have the misfortune of making a mistake, their reputations will likely be tarnished. They really can't charge all that much over the market rate. And as I am learning, people who charge by the hour for the labor they do with their hands will always be limited by the number of hours in the day...there is a finite number of clients they can see. No matter how fast they are, they are limited by the number of hours in a day. They can only make more money by charging more or adding new operators who will eventually have enough clientele to strike independently...
So I pay a chunk of money to get someone to install my Sisterlocks...well, really, I can't do it myself--I can't see the back of my head...I wouldn't want anyone to volunteer to do it---if they are good, I'd want to pay them for their effort and if they aren't, well, I don't want them messing up my head for free. Let's say it costs $800-1200 (prices I made up btw), and it takes two days to do...let's say 18 hours....that's $45-67 an hour. That's money well spent to make sure the locks I'm going to have for years are put in correctly and carefully. Auto mechanics make that. My Sisterlocks will last at least as long as a car. It's not an amount that pay over and over again. The initial flurry of retightening visits are more problem-solving than anything then things settle down and the 'cost' of Sisterlocks drops way off. In fact, if I'm charging for Sisterlocks I have to continually find new clients because they will probably stop coming six months to a year after installation.
So my opinion is...yes Sisterlocks are expensive, but apparently, I think I'm worth it. It can cost my time or my money. I can find someone within my budget range who does a great job...they may take longer, they may have less experience, it may take longer to get an appointment or I can pay more and not have to deal with those issues. I can do my hair myself and only visit a consultant occasionally for grooming, troubleshooting, etc. I am liberated.