Fall back...

Things are still feeling pretty surreal. I know that I need to find some inner resource of calm, cool collection. But I'm not sure where to look. I am hesitant to leave my bubble of familiarity and hit the mean streets. I guess, though, that's pretty much what I have to do. Last week, or was it the one before--they all blur, we had to take Gram to the hospital. She collapsed in a chair. The doctors couldn't pinpoint a problem and just encouraged her to eat better. It was week before last; this week she had a follow-up visit.
Yesterday FEMA called to find out 1) if we have a place to live--hello it's nearly November, shouldn't you have asked sooner? and 2) if my grandmother wanted a travel trailer. When I pointed out my grandmother's age and the perfect apparent unsuitability of a travel trailer, I was referred to the 800 number to answers to my questions about suitable housing. She was denied an SBA loan in such a way that it would not appear to be age discrimination. But no one seems to have an explanation for how she--by proxy me-- is supposed to 1) assess and develop a plan to deal with her house-- which we still can't access as far as I know and, for all I know is condemned-- providing short term housing and expenses as well as paying for potential salvage and demolition efforts...2) securing suitable housing in another market. There is no way I am going to be able to purchase my grandmother a house comparable to the one she lost with the resources she has, much less one that meets her current needs AND replaces everything she lost.
But it's easier to rant about others. I did not receive any housing assistance from FEMA. My brain is fried. I'm acting as chauffeur, personal advisor, practical nurse, etc. for my family. I'm sleeping on the floor because I'm tired of my feet dangling over the edge of my little bed...The only thing I want to do less than commute to a stressful new job is move to avoid the commute to a stressful new job. But I lost all my crap and come next summer I need to pay all these students loans again and I need to save for my retirement and get some damn medical insurance and...well I need to go on and live a normal freakin' life, right?
I haven't been back to Red Cross since before we drove back to New Orleans. I need to do something. I just need to focus my attention and resolve long enough to come up with some plan for this episode I'm living...

I'm just doomed...

to be in communicato. After I finally got the DSL up and running, it shut down. So I haven't been able to get back online until today.
I am exhausted.
We came in last night and found Gram slumped over in the kitchen. I called 911 and she spent the evening in an ER exam room. She was dehydrated and probably malnourished. I've been nagging her for weeks about not eating. But what can we do? Can't force the old lady to eat. She's promising to do better. I understand how she feels. This all has been no fun at all. Today I took her to see the eye doctor and now she's in her room.
I just can't keep up with all this.
Now something's wrong with my car. The turn indicators don't work. I hope it's just a fuse. I hardly have time for this. Tomorrow I'm going into DC then meeting Tonya. I'm going to babysit Nia Saturday morning and wait for Janella to come down from New York...I guess I need to turn in early tonight so I can keep up with everything. But I really could curl up in a little ball. It's pretty crisp today...Maybe yesterday was the last warm day...

back from new orleans

So this weekend, I went back home to New Orleans. Daddy and I drove down to survey and salvage. I must say that I was dreading the whole experience. But I did it.
My parents house will need to be completely gutted. The water came in about three-quarters up the staircase...about seven feet. Where the water didn't reach, there is mold. Funky mold on all the drywall, covering the furniture, coating our belongings. From one the berooms, you can see straight into the attic and sunlight streams in from the roof. In my room, latex puckers away from the walls, the ceilings threaten to give way...On the other side, my stuf is washed into a massive pile of pulpy, smelly muck...
So from here, I will backtrack and fill in everything I've been doing and plan to do. I've been offline because since I got to Warrenton, I've been without a reliable connection. As I type, I have a new DSL account with Verizon so I can type away...
I'll try and figure out how to post a photo or two...

Log in Lag...

Got a gazillion stories, but Verizon shafted us. Can't log in until we get phone service. Now I'm going to library branch and Red Cross. As soon as I get a place to log in I'll get back up to speed...