Sunday, October 30, 2005

Fall back...

Things are still feeling pretty surreal. I know that I need to find some inner resource of calm, cool collection. But I'm not sure where to look. I am hesitant to leave my bubble of familiarity and hit the mean streets. I guess, though, that's pretty much what I have to do. Last week, or was it the one before--they all blur, we had to take Gram to the hospital. She collapsed in a chair. The doctors couldn't pinpoint a problem and just encouraged her to eat better. It was week before last; this week she had a follow-up visit.
Yesterday FEMA called to find out 1) if we have a place to live--hello it's nearly November, shouldn't you have asked sooner? and 2) if my grandmother wanted a travel trailer. When I pointed out my grandmother's age and the perfect apparent unsuitability of a travel trailer, I was referred to the 800 number to answers to my questions about suitable housing. She was denied an SBA loan in such a way that it would not appear to be age discrimination. But no one seems to have an explanation for how she--by proxy me-- is supposed to 1) assess and develop a plan to deal with her house-- which we still can't access as far as I know and, for all I know is condemned-- providing short term housing and expenses as well as paying for potential salvage and demolition efforts...2) securing suitable housing in another market. There is no way I am going to be able to purchase my grandmother a house comparable to the one she lost with the resources she has, much less one that meets her current needs AND replaces everything she lost.
But it's easier to rant about others. I did not receive any housing assistance from FEMA. My brain is fried. I'm acting as chauffeur, personal advisor, practical nurse, etc. for my family. I'm sleeping on the floor because I'm tired of my feet dangling over the edge of my little bed...The only thing I want to do less than commute to a stressful new job is move to avoid the commute to a stressful new job. But I lost all my crap and come next summer I need to pay all these students loans again and I need to save for my retirement and get some damn medical insurance and...well I need to go on and live a normal freakin' life, right?
I haven't been back to Red Cross since before we drove back to New Orleans. I need to do something. I just need to focus my attention and resolve long enough to come up with some plan for this episode I'm living...

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