Friday, November 11, 2011

Singular Sensation

I got a couple of emails after my last post. And I just re-read what I wrote. So before I go on, I am not in some bad place. I feel fine. Maybe it's an only child thing. I don't dread being alone; I kind of like it. Loneliness is what brings people down. I don't think I have an undue amount of loneliness in my life. So please don't be concerned about me in that way.

Last year about this time, my life was in a great state of upheaval. And not for the first time. So over the last few days or so, I probably have been more judgmental with myself about certain things I thought I would have accomplished by now. But that is never a useful exercise. The life you think you will have was always only a figment of your imagination. Being disappointed that your reality doesn't match up to that is just as false as being satisfied if it does. None of us can predict what will come. Therefore do not worry...

But the whole idea of a knick knack existence is not a concept that I could flesh out in one sitting. It will take me a while. In the end, it may turn out to be a bunch of BS. But it's not a bad thing.

I have to say the only aggravating thing about my life thus far has been the upheaval. I am periodically reminded that I have very little control. When that happens, I take a deep breath. And I remember that I am very blessed because what I need for my journey in life is not material and therefore can never be lost. I have faith and I have to ability to endure most of what comes my way.

I feel like a character in The Grapes of Wrath some days; swept up in these huge phenomena like a tumbleweed blowing across the social prairie. So what I meant last time about about feeling disconnected from anywhere was that having been physically relocated so many times now, I have become convinced that where I am is of little consequence to whether or not I am happy. I can be satisfied anywhere. I can live anywhere. In that sense then, it doesn't matter where I am.

So now I'm tired...I'll have to get back to this later. I hate it when Daylight Saving Time ends. I get super sleepy, very early.  I'll pick this up again...

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