Saturday, December 31, 2005

Bye bye 2005

In approximately three hours and twenty five minutes this year will be history. So many things happened it's hard for me to believe it was merely 365 days. 2005 feels like a lifetime. My health, my home, everything took a turn...At lunch, Mom asked me what my big plans were for 2006. Hmmm. I'm not sure I have any. Not that I'm a directionless slacker or anything. But what exactly do I need to plan for? I need to get a job, a new place to live, meet some new people. I'll keep buying clothes, get furniture, applicances. But that's a given. That's not a plan. I learned this year that I have everything I need and all the other stuff is just extra. Would I like to embark on some exciting career? Sure that would be great. But I have finally severed the connection between what I do and who I am. If I don't end up with an exciting career, that's just fine. I'll enjoy getting new stuff, but I'm not all wrapped in that either.
Now that I know that things could get worse, I can't help but believe that they will get better. It's all Newtonian. Now there will be an equal and opposite reaction. I guess my plan is just to take it as it comes. Just as I have been. I don't need to search out any more external validation. Not that it was working anyway. If I have peace, I have all I need.
So farewell 2005. I would say good riddance, but I won't. I have to think that, if only in retrospect, this year has been a turning point. This year has been a literal force moving me forward and onward. So for that alone, it has been a good thing and perhaps as it should be. When I'm an old lady doddering off in some rocking chair, I'll fil in the blanks. But for now, I'm going to stop navigating and just enjoy a little of the scenery for change. I don't need a plan, I have all I need for this journey...

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