Post-Valentine's Musings...

Last month I joined an online dating site. I am wholly ambivalent about it. Long have I thought online dating a rather misanthropic concession to our work culture's constant demands on our time. But I find myself in a new town, with no local friends, bored silly. And after a drunken dialing episode last December--that's another story...usually I think they're a bad idea, but this one was overdue and well worth it--I decided it was time for me to get out there again as the cliche goes. When I went to visit J, her brother was with a very nice woman, a Delta no less, who he had met online. So I unimaginatively joined the same site and cajoled J to join me.
It's been interesting. I have been chatted about by lots of men. Some I think would never approach me in 'real life,' and others I would probably not approach. One night, after exchanging Yahoo id's, I played online dominoes and discussed politics with a serviceman. I used my call block feature to dial a bodybuilder in MA last week because he wanted know if I was really female. I have gotten serial 'flirts' from a septagenarian who uses the name "warmmeat"-- I kid you not. The first week, after daily virtual mash notes, a man who claimed to be from London wrote me he was stranded in Nigeria and need me to wire him money. I am being charmingly pursued for coffee by a guy who lives in a neighboring town. And I have had one, real-life lunch date with a very nice guy who lives in Richmond.
In short, it has been a blast. I am still cynical about the whole online thing. I mean how can I take this seriously? The photos could be of anyone and the stories could be ablsolute fabrications. The photo I used is slightly dated, but not unrepresentative. Since I am only 50% photogenic, I rationalized it was OK to use the picture I took at my cousin's wedding when my hair was darker and pinned up because my face was not shiny and my makeup was decent. Now that I have the digital camera, I contemplated putting a candid shot. But I still believe the photo is a fair, albeit best, representation of me. However, I digress...
My point is that cyber-interaction has turned out to be quite fascinating for me. I must admit a snobbishness about poor spelling and grammar. And I cannot respect a man who would post a photo of himself shirtless or posed provocatively--My long conversation with the bodybuilder was spurred by me telling him his shirtless photo was more revelatory of his psyche than his body...He was confused and perplexed--nor will I entertain communication with men who name themselves something sexually provocative. I have decided to not even bother with those who are 'separated'--who needs that drama--and those with lots of children and no divorce are a pass also. This is all before I actually communicate with the person behind the profile. I was intrigued by the conclusions I drew from their self descriptions. And I noticed that I decided not to post a description at all...ever cryptic.
Once I do start a communication with these fellows, I am more direct and bold in my questioning than I am in 'real life,' and I am more observant of their responses. Un burdened of concerns about how they are perceiving me, I can focus my attention completely on how they represent themselves. It has made me more observant of my own priorities and anxieties. Who knew it would be so fun? I know I didn't...