Friday, March 24, 2006

Sigh...

OK...Gearing up to my Sisterlocks class, I said I'd clear the cobwebs. Tonight/this morning, I am having a mini anxiety attack, personal crisis, whatever. I am taking deep breaths, I cannot sleep, I am freaking out...
I was going to go into the details of what triggered this panic, but that really isn't the point. The thing is, I've felt this way before and I don't know what to do about it. For maybe the past four years, I have been experiencing these spells of I-don't-even-know-what feeling. It's like terror, fear, panic, nausea, hesitance all rolled into one. And when I feel it I don't know whether to forge ahead, recoil, freeze, double over.
It can last for a few hours...
I'm scared I'm going to allow this to start influencing my decision-making. And if I do, I'm not sure I should ignore it or listen to it.
I don't know if this is 'normal.' I have no point of reference. I've been afraid to describe this to anyone else and afraid not to...As I type, my chest is completely tight and I have to make a deliberate effort to fill my lungs with air. I just couldn't imagine falling asleep, so I got up to blog.
I just wanted to get this out...Maybe when I see it posted it will give me some perspective on how I'm feeling and what I should do next.

1 comment:

AnnaC said...

I think blogging or writing in some form is one of the best things to do in this situation.

You need to get whatever it is out... these emotions that make us itch and and our hearts beat fast are like monsters under the bed: they get bigger in the dark and when we don't just say how we feel.

In may case, I invariably feel foolish saying whatever was making me feel this way because it was so not a major thing, but then I feel better when whatever was making me anxious is cut back to its normal size.

It's a little like Alice and rabbit hole and all the little nibble this and drink that; we just have to get control of the raging emotions and put them into perspective.

I hope you are feeling better...